crazy is as crazy does.

What would you say if a 25 year old girl told you that there was a little boy who said his name was Henry and he was sitting in the chair over there? And then you looked, and you couldn't see anything?

What would you do? Would you hiss, cross yourself and then run away as fast as you could? Or maybe you'd start talking softly while trying to back this girl into a corner so you can call the men in white coats.

I told someone in my life about Henry and she believed me. This entry is for her.

I actually do a lot of putting myself down. I call myself crazy and mean it negatively. I would never call someone else crazy, never mind meaning it like that. But I'm down on myself. I know the crazy things I do and that's the hardest. Because I can be writing on my clothes because that will keep me safe, I can be sticking symbols up everywhere because it will keep the bad guys out and in my head I'm thinking "You're ****ing crazy. People are going to want to put you away."

Being driven by unseen voices to do things that are illogical all the while knowing what you're doing is illogical but you can't stop for the life of you is hell. How would you feel if you just wanted to go to school but when you got on the bus you saw this woman who told you things like the other passengers could hear what you are thinking, that man over there wants to hurt you, you're trapped? What if, in order to take a bus ride you either had to put up with heart-pounding panic and a woman no one could see, or get off? And even when all you wanted to do was go to school, you were driven by forces you couldn't control to get off that bus and go hide? How would you feel?

I feel pretty crazy. And I need to figure out how to stop pairing crazy with bad. I am a woman who can write piano music, who is compassionate, who is always trying to do her best, who loves the snow, who wants to learn. And by a lot of peoples' definitions, crazy.

And that's the point. That's not the only thing that I am.

That's what I have to keep telling myself.

and just as a note, I'm not stealing the random little boy picture. I searched stock photos.